Asher Roth Addresses Eminem and Skittles Comparisons

Apparently Asher's album has leaked, and I found a website to download it from but I couldn't finish because class ended. That's the price you pay for leading a double life as a superhero blogger/slacker student. I will try again to download it like, I don't know, now, and hope it works.
In the meantime here's a new cut off the album that features Harvard's very own Chester French on the hook. It's called "As I Em" and it is about the horseshit/racist comparisons between Asher and Eminem.

I'm glad he addressed it, and he did it in a very non-confrontational way. Like I said before, Asher is just a laid-back dude who wants to have fun and kick it with the homies, or as he says, "All I do is eat, drink, smoke weed, and rap...and play Madden." He is really nothing like Eminem at all, other than the fact that they're both white and yes their inflection is slightly similar, but in no way is Asher biting Eminem's style at all. Yes, Eminem did release commercial friendly music that got mad airplay, but his albums are dark and on many levels very disturbing. Do you think Asher would ever do a song about how he murdered his wife and drove his daughter to the pier with him to dispose of the body? That's some fucked up shit, and all Asher ever really talks about is like eating pancakes and fucking bitches, so in terms of content, I really don't see the connection. They're completely different artists with completely different approaches to what they do. Eminem is arguably one of the top 8 lyricists of all-time, whereas Asher has clearly defined his approach as nothing more than getting wasted, having sex and then rapping about it.
This song is good, and very necessary. He gives Eminem his props for breaking down the barriers that white rappers (such as Asher and myself) face, but he also makes sure that everyone knows that the only real connection between the two is their appearance. Just listen to this, and tell me that it reminds you of Asher at all. It doesn't. It's some fucked up shit.

"As I Em" - Sick

Barry Zito Smells His Own Farts

Barry Zito has followed the lead of every other human being on earth and he's on that Twitter swag. Well that wouldn't normally be news, because Zito sucks and is pretty much the Twitter of MLB pitchers, but what makes it funny and news-worthy is his most recent post:
For those of you who aren't familiar with a Dutch oven, here's my favorite definish from Urban Dictionary:

The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes

I think you can put 2 and 2 2gether.

Knockers

Yyyyyyuuupp. I'm right in the middle of it.

This will warrant as my second "Authentic Australian Shit of the Week" installment. My observations don't exactly back up this report, and we all know the opinion of any Metacricket contributor trumps any scientific data. Nevertheless, I will continue to keep my eyes peeled as I try and solve this great mystery. Something just doesn't add up here. I would have certainly made a note of the marked difference in bust sizes of the women over here, but I can't say that I have. I will however make sure to keep my eyes unclosed for the next few days as Metacricket continues to investigate this developing story. This will be my last post for at least a week as tomorrow I embark on my spring break trip to here and here. I will be back with stories to tell of DD Aussie women, dingos, and Buddhism.



Australian Women Having Huge Boobs- Sickest Thing Ever

My T-Ball Team Could Beat The Yankees

The Yankee's have come out of the gate with a vengeance dropping the first two games of the year. Anyone who predicted these guys would finish ahead of the Sox is obviously a complete fucktard. The Final AL East Standings will look like this:

1. Orioles- 162-0
2. Red Sox- 81-81
3. Rays- 81-81
4. Jays- Who the fuck knows
5. Yanks- 0-162

Lester in Trouble?

Last season Jon Lester went from Red Sox Nation's favorite best-kept secret to premier big game pitcher, when he pitched like 60 consecutive shut-out innings in the post-season.* Well according to our friend at SI, Tom Verducci, Lester's drastically increased workload last season could spell serious trouble, as he tops the list of dudes at risk for HIV, AIDS, and the dreaded "Year After Effect." We are not smiles times. Take a look:
Verducci also claims that he's a soothsayer, and that most of these pitchers will get chlamydia and die:

How much should those guys be worried? Over the previous three years I red-flagged a total of 24 young pitchers at the start of those seasons. Of those 24 at-risk pitchers, 16 were hurt in that same season. Only one of the 24 pitchers managed to stay healthy and lower his ERA: Ubaldo Jimenez of Colorado, a guy I said would be less at risk because of his powerful body type.

Now this is all very troubling, because we've seen what happens to young, talented pitchers who are overworked (Francisco Liriano, Fausto Carmona, James Nutter, and obviously CC Sabathia this season). Obviously this scares me, but if anyone knows how to handle a situation like this, it's Theo and the braintrust over at The Nation Headquarters. Also, Lester survived cancer, so I think his body might be slightly stronger than most.
Besides, the Sox have like 19 legitimate starting options, so worst-case scenario Clay Buchholz steps in and becomes the new Jon Lester.
Here's the link to Verducci's entire article. (The link opens in a new window!! I did it!!!!!!)

*Not fact-based

Jon Lester potentially sucking - Really shitty

Asher + The Soul Machine

My man Ash continues not to disappoint. Here's that new joint featuring the incomparable genius/soul machine, Cee-Lo:

Try to listen to that song and NOT like it. Seriously. You're a liar if you say you didn't enjoy listening to this song, and you're a liar if you say you wish you hadn't heard it. The production so far on all of the songs off of "Asleep in the Bread Aisle" has been top-notch. This is the best one yet.
First of all, Cee-Lo himself can salvage any song. Just listen to this one. But Asher holds his own. I'm not saying he's some sort of lyrical savant: he's certainly got flaws, and sometimes his lines are petty and useless ("KEG STAND! KEG STAND!"). But the man has some serious pop sensibilities, and he just wants to have fun like the rest of us girls out there. Obviously this kind of shit isn't going to appeal to the hard, lyric-centric underground audience, but do you really get the feeling that Asher gives two cocks and two glocks about what anyone else thinks? The dude just does his thing, which, so far, means making music that people can sing along to and just enjoy. He's probably one of the most down-to-earth (popular) artists working in hip-hop today.
This song just makes my vag even wetter in anticipation of April 20, when AITBA (get it?) is going to drop. It's just going to be a fun summer record, and I am pumped as fuck to bump it in the Sebring (Also, is there any better criteria for judging music than "Would I bump this in the Sebring?" It is the ultimate answer. If you want to know whether or not a song is worthy, just ask yourself that question, and the answer will come to you naturally. This song is pretty much the definition of Sebring-worthy. On that note, my next mixtape will be entitled "Sebring Music.").

"Be By Myself (feat. Cee-Lo)" - Sickest Thing Ever

Who is The Dream and how come no one has told me about him?

Seriously. I had never heard of him before yesterday.

I downloaded his latest album "Love Vs. Money" and after one listen through I enjoy it. With any other R&B album the songs sound generally the same, but his voice is astounding. He can croon with the best of 'em. He's a mix between Chris Brown (minus beating up famous hot female artists), T-Pain (minus the voice effects), and Usher (minus I don't know).

Our big brother site, Metacritic, is jockin him too. Great reviews all around. The production is above par and the lyrics are on par with any other R&B artist.

My favorite jam off his album so far is "Walkin on the Moon" featuring Kanye. I'm a sucker for an R&B song with a rap verse. Similar to this little diddy by John Legend.

Here's a link to download his album if you're interested.

The Dream - Sick

New Em: We Made You

One of the great questions in hip hop communities and message boards over the past 5 years has been which version of Eminem would return to the genre with his 2009 release Relapse? Would it be the deranged ecstasy popping psychopath of the late 90's that produced classic and original music such as The Way I Am and Stan? Or would the sympathetic, father figure, Eminem circa 2004 and Encore who released songs like Mockingbird be back? Crack A Bottle showed Em conforming to the industry standards and crafting a conventional club banger, albeit a banger with some ridiculously smooth Dre piano riffs, and is actually a pretty good song. Could Eminem have reinvented himself yet again? Not quite. It seems as if hes reaching way back to the Slim Shady days and pulling out some My Name Is throwaways. On the new single We Made You, Marshall is back to ripping on celebrities, spitting in that ear splitting voice, and riddling off multis in doubletime flow. This time around his shitlist includes Sarah Palin, Jessica Alba, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and so on... Game catches a lot of heat for the namedropping in his raps, but Em really is no worse. The routine of using pop culture figurines as his verbal punching bags has become tired and old. Luckily for him, he is blessed with some of the best rapping abilities the world has ever heard, and is able to keep your attention on any track no matter the subject matter. Check it.

Back by popular demand,
Now pop a little zantax for antacid if you can,
You ready to tackle any task that is at hand?
How does it feel is it fantastic is it grand?
Well look at all the massive masses in the stands,
Shady Man no don’t massacre the bands

Yea, he's quite impressive, and those bars are outrageously good despite the fact that they are essentially nonsense. I just wish this wasn't such a blatant attempt at recreating his persona and singles of the 90's. Artists need growth, and there's nothing worse than a stagnant rapper stuck in his ways who refuses to change one bit (see: 50 Cent). Hell, I'd rather an artist evolve so much that they venture into new genres, even if it comes at the cost of the quality of their music (see: Kanye West).

Moving onn, the production on this record is really nothing to write home about. Biff would probably be better suited to describe the beat as he is a budding underground hip hop producer, but I'll give it my best shot. The beat features some boasting horns topped by scattered piano loops. It certainly doesn't sound like a Dre beat, but who the fuck knows. This song just warrants a resounding whatever.

We Made You- Whatever

Rajon Rondo is...as Good as a Random White Guy?

Here's an interesting article from the basketball blog TrueHoop, which compares the 09 hall class to current players. They say that the player today most similar to John Stockton--arguably one of the greatest point guards of all-time--is our main man Rajon Rondo. WOOOO!!!!! Good for Rajon. He's really blossoming into a bona-fide star, and it's only a matter of time before he's mentioned in the same breath as Chris Paul and Deron Williams. That sentence is a good start.
Also, guess who compares most closely to Michael "MJ" Jordan? My main man Dwyane Wade!!!! I have been jocking Dwyane all season, and I understand that LeBron is insane and really(x8) good and all that shit, but Wade has been carrying an entire organization with literally no help. Name any player on the Heat roster other than Michael Beasley. Nope, Shawn Marion got traded. Now name a good player on the Heat. There is no one. Dwyane has been playing out of his mind, and deserves the MVP, but thaBron is going to win it so we can all relax.
Also it's funny that Kevin Durant is the next Chris Mullin.

Blog Her Face

Here's the new Kid CuDi jam featuring Lady Gaga (OMG HER AGAIN!!!), Kanye, and Common.

This song is underwhelming. I like the drums, but this beat is just classic new Kanye: loop a boring vocal sample ad nauseam and put some cool drums over it.
Of all the verses I thought Kanye's was the best, especially the lines about getting brain in the library because he likes knowledge (Funny!!!!).
I love CuDi to death, but sometimes it really sounds like he doesn't know whether he wants to rap or sing. He's capable of very profound and insightful lyrics when he tries, but he doesn't quite have a gift for melody. He's not good enough at singing to be a crooner (or even get on Drake's level; One Take Drake is emerging as my favorite 09er, and Wale is 1A and B.o.B is 1C), and I just wish he would decide what he wants to do. It's frustrating and awkward to listen to, especially because we all know he's capable of greatness.
Don't even get me started on Common, he's been confusing me ever since he dropped the god-awful Universal Mind Control train wreck.
Given all the talent involved in this track, it should be 600 times better, but that's what we were saying about "Swagga Like Us," and that song grew on me to the point that I listen to it daily, so we'll see how this relationship develops. For now, I'm not impressed.

"Poke Her Face" - Pretty Shitty

You Change Your Mind Like a Gull Changes Clothes

Chester hit me with this gem of a sausage link today:

There are so many awesome things going on in this video, I don't even know where to start. I have to go change my pants.

Los Colorados "Hot n Cold" - Sickest Thing Ever

My Good Friend Pharell Wants Some McDonalds

I hung out with Pharrell in Sydney for hours on end, and he seemed like a real down to earth guy. This video only confirms that belief. My problem is with the ladies working behind the counter. Did they have some sand in the vagers or what? What the hell was the problem with P? All he was doing was a little singin and dancin. It's not like that is part of his career or anything. Dude just wanted a midnight snack. These two servers are right up there with all those cock blocking cops on my worst people in the world list. Pharell was, however, rocking the Ipod headphones still in look, just to remind us that he is in fact famous and not entirely interested in what you have to say.

Props to Mohammad Ali Qasim's, Louis Frank wall post for the vid. Metacricket really is garnering a nice little family of followers.

Pharrell- Sooo Sick

Care To Check Out Lebron's MVP Credentials? All You Have To Do Is Write An Essay In Your URL Box

The Cavalier's decided to make a website boosting the case for Lebron as MVP. Reasonable enough. Wanna go to it? Well that's the catch. The site is named lebronisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood.com. I have kindly linked the site to prevent our readers from getting carpel tunnel syndrome. This is the second time this year the Cav's organization has come to the defense of one of their players. The first instance being when Mo Williams was snubbed from the All Star team and the front office made up words to show their disapproval of this abhorrent omission.

"Ben Wallace was right when he called Mo originally being passed over for the All-Star game a shamockery," Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert said in a tongue-in-cheek e-mail to The Associated Press. "But not naming him as the natural and obvious replacement for the unfortunately injured Jameer Nelson is stupidiculous, idillogical and preposterageous."

Uhh yea, you really made a statement there. Luckily for the city of Cleveland Mo Williams did end up making the all star game, and Deadspin left us with this classic of sports blogging humor.

Lebron MVP Website- Longest Website Name of All Time(The Departed)

This Is How We Do

Just when you counted me out, I'm back. Scotty still counts Mike.

Anywho, in my 09 concert tour, my most recent stop was the 50 Cent feat. Naughty by Nature concert at Uconn. First of all, my bro bro Randle Mcgigglesticks wasn't even there because he was at the gd final fuh in Detroit. What a waste of a trip huh Randy? So Sean, Brendan, and I all stayed in Randle's pleasure palace for the night and jizzed all over his walls. Then we hit the concert. Not a terribly long wait for the opening act to emerge as I've seen in other concerts. Seeing as NBN is before our time, no one really knew many of their songs. Hip Hop Hooray and all the cover songs they did such as "Jump Around" were their best. I could tell their backs hurt since they're knotty by nature. OH MAN somebody stop me. Also, their entourage on stage was massive.
Evenways, 50 came out with Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo. They started off with a few new songs which only retards knew, but then they hit their stride. But that's when I realized that every song they've put out is either directly about sex and money or piddles around that aspect. Every song is a club banger with no depth. Needless to say, with songs like that, the concert was poopin off. Their personalities are nothing to write home about, but their performing skills are tight. They threw a cornocopia of clothing out into the crowd, including a Hartford Whalers throwback jacket which my friend Matt Getz snagged. Besides that, not a ton of crowd interaction which seems to be key for a spectac performance. On a ligther note, 50's teeth are very white.

Future concerts on my resume: Third Eye Blind - April 24th at Saint Anselm College. Possible mind blower - Lupe Fiasco feat. Asher Roth - April 17th at Saint Michael's college. I currently don't have tickets/have no one to go with/don't think I know anyone well enough at that college to stay over for a night. However, I really really really really really wanna go.

50 Cent feat. Naughty by Nature - Sick

Bruins Bitch!!!

Look, everyone here at the crick are all huge Bruins fans. Biff and I (Scotty doesn't really count anymore) have followed this team with intense scrutiny for years. And it's been real tough for us to have to endure through the past couple seasons of futility. We certainly aren't a couple of band-wagoners who only this year hopped on the Bruin tip, once the team started to perform well. Nope, we have been here from the start. That's why tonight's win over the Rangers is just SOOOO gratifying. To see these guys come from the 29-37 team of 05-06 back to their rightful spot as kings of the Eastern Conference nearly brings a tear to my eye. The Big Bad Bruins beat the Rangers tonight 1-0. My man Timmay Thomas wasn't letting shit between those pipes, and he wasn't taking any shit either. Peep the way he owns Sean Punk Ass Avery in this highlight.

The Bruins don't take shit from anybody and anybody who tries to give it to them is gonna have to do in their house considering they just clinched home-frozen water advantage BAAAABYY!!! The TD Banknorth Boston Parquet Floored Basketball Court Fleet Center Ice Rink Garden is finna host two championship teams this spring/summer. Ice rink by day, B-ball court by night. Milan Lucic on one side, Kevin Garnett on the other. Claude Julien (business) in the front, Doc Rivers (party) in the back. Paul Pierce... well you get the point. If I was home this spring I would for certain break into Scotty's house with Brendan to watch the Bruins playoff games, drink a fair amount of Miller Lite, pack a bomb, and then subsequently throw up and laugh my ass off at the same time. Sorry that was a bit of a tangent but that actually happened last year. Bruins 6th Stanley Cup here we come MOTHERFUCKERSS!!! And for all you band-wagoners out there, I'll let you keep rooting for my team, but you're still a krbrkrbkbrka.

Bruins- Sickest Thing Ever