This Is Officially Out Of Hand

http://espn.go.com/nba/recap?gameId=290430004

There are no words.

This Series- Greatest Thing Of Aldffadfldkfj;akds'fj;adfjsl;(The Departed)

B.o.B aka Bobby Ray aka STOP CHANGING YOUR NAME

The artist formerly known as B.o.B changed his name to Bobby Ray, and it's really just causing a lot of confusion, because now he has to be called "B.o.B aka Bobby Ray," so it's sort of turning into an "Artist Formerly Known as Prince" situation. Regardless, he has released a new song, and here it is for your ears:

I kind of like the beat, but overall this is an underwhelming effort. It's kind of tough for him to follow a gem like "I'll Be in the Sky," because that was arguably one of the best songs of last year. At first I thought this beat had a lot of potential, but it just didn't really go anywhere. Maybe this is just a badly mixed version, hey, what do I know?
I expected more from my main man B.o.B aka Bobby Ray, and I may have to remove him from my favorite music on Facebook now.

"Wait Your Turn" - Whatever

Asher Roth Releases "Be By Myself" Video

You know that any video involving Cee-Lo is going to be fucking awesome just because Cee-Lo is in it and you get to look at him in all of his round glory. The man looks like a zit about to pop, but I'm sure he could have sex with pretty much whoever he wants (male, female, or transsexual). He just oozes soul. Oh yeah, Asher's in this video too.

Asher Roth - New Music - More Music Videos

I still contend that this is the best song on "Asleep in the Bread Aisle" (although Mike obviously disagrees because he doesn't like it when things are fun and make you feel good), and this song is probably going to win Sebring Song of the Year, although it's still to early to tell, and "Ugg Love" (which you can't hear unless you IM me and ask me to send it to you) is making a hell of a charge.
Evenways, this video busts very hard. It's reminiscent of the "Crazy" video, and it's definitely much better than the pretty stupid and simple "I Love College" video. Also, Asher is rocking a cool v-neck t-shirt, which is totally on point, as we all know (but it's not as cool as Justin's black Lacoste v-neck, which is leading the pack in the race for Sebring T-shirt of the Year).

"Be By Myself" music video - Sooo sick

PS I'm sorry that you have to sit thru an ad to watch this video. It's not on YouTube yet so we have to make due with MTV for now.

More Mike Posner <3

We're jocking Mike Posner like Barbaro right now, mostly because his talent is undeniable and if I had stayed at Duke he'd be my best friend. But seriously, pretty much everything he's done is genius. Check this neat "Love Lockdown" remix:

It's a pretty funny take on a song that probably took itself too seriously to begin with. I think we can all relate with the message of this song. It's how I get most of the p****y that I'm somehow miraculously able to pull.

"Fucked Up Now" - Sooo sick

PS You're lucky I try so fucking hard to google shit because here's the download link for this song. I hope you all appreciate how long this took me to find.

Ron Artest Shows Bwandon Woy Some Love

Big Ches' and I have been jocking Brandon Roy since his rookie season, and his combination of fundamental soundness, cool shoes, and penchant for big plays has made him a staple on the All-Cool Team. He's probably going to be holding down the SG spot for years to come. Unfortunately, not many people know about our man BR4, but insane human being Ron Artest is trying his best to change all that, as he's showing Bwandon some big time love:

Tonight during a TNT interview with Craig “Is He Really Wearing That?” Sager, Ron Artest made one of the most outlandish statements I’ve heard come out of even his mouth. Artest said Brandon Roy was “the best” player he has ever played against. When Sager specifically reminded Ron-Ron about two guys named LeBron and Kobe, Ron reiterated that B-Roy was definitely the best player he had ever gone head to head with. Well, he and Mike Chatway, some dude from Queensbridge who went to jail.

Now obviously I wouldn't say that Roy is better than TheBron, but I really think that in a year or two, he'll be better than Kobe. Just look at what he did last week, when he dropped 42 in Artest/Shane Battier's respective (and sometimes collective) grills. Those are two of the best on-the-ball defenders in the NBA, and Brandon straight torched them (Also last month they frustrated the shit out of Kobe and he only scored like 12 points on 3 of 18 shooting). I foresee a scoring title in the near future for the coolest SG in the league.

Spring Weekend '09

Alright, now that I finally have time I can tell the world about my weekend. It included three different colleges and two different concerts. Photos will be available soon via facebook.

It was a warm Thursday evening in mid April when Mac and I departed for our venture. The sun was shining yet every few minutes it would rain for only a few minutes then become sunny again. If you're one step ahead of me, you would have already figured out that a rainbow ensued. But not just any rainbow, the most glorious rainbow I have ever laid mine eyes upon. Also, we saw the end of the rainbow (never been seen by anyone ever before ever) and had we had time to stop we would be rich men (pot o' gold). But anyway, we arrived at Saint Anselm College where we prepared for and attended a Third Eye Blind concert with Stephen. Apparently they're dropping a new CD soon so they did a few of those tracks which no one really knew, but when they did their most famous songs they absolutely killed it. Semi-charmed life, how's it gonna be, jumper, and motorcycle drive by were their obvious highlights. They dedicated motorcycle drive by to Filly which was kinda weird. After the show, there was a "bon fire" out in the woods which turned out to just be a bunch of drunk kids standing around a tiny camp fire. The bassist showed up from the band and did a KEG STAND! KEG STAND! KEG STAND!

So then Mac and I left Saint A's in the morn and headed to Uconn for their imfamous spring weekend. It was obviously nuts with 10,000 drunken college students just doing whatever. I was tired from the night before so I just ordered Wing over Storrs Wingswings over Storrs and went to bed early. Also, Andrew went on C.A. duty at 11 so Mac and I were kinda left to fend for ourselves which kinda sucked. We did get a picture of A.J. Price and I saw Hasheem Thabeet. Other things happened that night, but I'm not gonna get into it.

Saturday morning we woke up early to head for Tufts University in Somerville, Mass where we planned on attending an outdoor Ludacris concert with Asher Roth being one of the opening acts. We were obviously sluggish so we were late getting to Tufts. Mac's cousin goes there so we got to his apartment at 1 PM and the first thing he makes us do is shotgun a burr. That event became the epitome for the rest of our day. We did some other things and headed to the concert, only to learn that Asher Roth was on stage for apparently 5 minutes so we fucking missed him fuck. I left a voicemail on his drunk dial thing complaining so I'm sure he'll get back to me about it. So then we went back to the apartment and did more mind altering things until Luda got on stage. Luda obs killed it since he has massive amounts of hit songs. Name a song and he did it. My personal favorite was Southern Hospitality.

After the concert we sobered up and drove back to Saint A's because it was only an hour away and we like the people there. We did more things and did other more things. Hopefully that gives you a vivid picture. Swine flu.

Last weekend - Obviously Top 5 Greatest Weekends Of All-Time (The Departed)

A-Rod=Bitch-Tits

I find it quite funny that a world class athlete and purported best baseball player of all time was nicknamed Bitch-Tits by his teammates. This juicy detail and others are all a part of a flattering sneak-peek into Selena Roberts upcoming tell-all book about Bitch-Tits.

Yankees teammates, Roberts writes, nicknamed Rodriguez "B---h T--s" in 2005 because he put on 15 pounds in the offseason which included round pectorals, a condition called gynecomastia that can be caused by anabolic steroids.

Thank god, I thought when I first noticed a slight growth in my chestal region that I may have swine flu, but thankfully it's just gynecomastia, PHEW!! Several other gracious tidbits revealed about Bitch-Tits in the report are:

He started taking roids in high school... Wouldn't surprise me at this point. What we really need to do to get to the bottom of this, is see whether or not there was ever a significant increase in his bra sizes during his high school career. That would put an end to the matter real quick.

He's a shitty tipper at Hooters... His tits are probably bigger than the ones he sees there so why the hell do they deserve a tip?

While he doesn't tip at Hooters, he does however tip pitches to opposing players in blowout games in hopes of this treatment being returned to him... Typical egotistical star player trying to pad his stats, or should I say stat his pads. Get it? Pads as in tits, HAHAHAHA! Okay yea it's getting a bit old by now.

PS- Does anyone else find what Selena Roberts is doing to be a lesser form of witch hunting? Maybe she started this book without the intentions of uncovering every dirty detail about Bitch-Tits, and this is just the information she is gathering. Like, I hate Bitch-Tits just as much as the next guy, but it just seems wrong to expose all of this shit about one man. I vow, that when I inevitably become a famous sports journalistic, to NOT make it my job to tear down the reputation of any one player. But I still love this shit, cause it gives me Crick content, and calling A-Rod "Bitch-Tits" is really fun.

A-Rod Now Being Known As Bitch-Tits- Sick

Rajon Rondo Keeps Finding Ways to Win

Rondo's line last night: 28 points, 11 assists, 8 rebounds, 1 KO. When all else fails, just punch someone in the face.
This has to be considered the greatest first-round series in the history of the NBA playoffs. I've ruined every good pair of underwear that I own. I've had to move my TV into the bathroom and just watch all the games on the toilet.

Politix!!!!!!

Sometimes we have to get serious, and this is one of those times.
Perhaps you nogfaces remember Arlen Spector, the douchebag Pennsylvania senator who flipped his shit over the Patriots "spygate" tapes. Mr. Spector's criticisms of Roger Goodell et al. were mostly really cool because, like, the country is facing so many fucking problems, why wouldn't we worry about professional sports, the most inconsequential thing in the whole world? I pretty much lost all respect for Arlen after he pulled this horseshit stunt (although he was a republican at the time, so I pretty much had no respect for him already).
Well now Arlen's looking to get some more attention and, more importantly to him, looking to increase his chances of re-election, by switching parties and joining the democratic caucus in the senate. This is a pretty shameless attempt at increasing his chances of re-election, given the fact that he's facing an increasingly democratic voter population. In fact, look at this quotation from good old Arl': "Last year, more than 200,000 Republicans in Pennsylvania changed their registration to become Democrats. I now find my political philosophy more in line with Democrats than Republicans." Christ jesus. How convenient. Yeah, so like, as soon as the entire voting population switched their voter registration, I like, woke up and I was like oh yeah I think I'll switch too. That's like talking to girl and being like, "Oh I love popcorn." And then she's like, "I hate popcorn," and then you're like, "yeah I fucking hate popcorn let's go hang out and talk about how much we hate popcorn." It works for hooking up with girls (60 percent of the time every time), but let's see if the good people of Penisvania will get duped.
I hate Arlen Spector, because he's a shameless, attention-craved jerkhole, but this is obviously great news for the democrats, because it makes us filibuster-proof in the senate, which means that we can run shit and all the stupid republicans can cry and complain that we're all "Anti-American" even though SOMEHOW democrats keep getting elected by like, I don't know, the general public, which is actually an extremely American principle.

Arlen Spector - Pretty shitty
Democrats controlling the earth - Greatest Thing of All-Time (The Departed)

Thank Me Later

If you like to laugh I insist that you click this link, http://www.pauldesousa.co.za/a-true-legend, I bet my right pinky toe that you will LOL at least 3 times. David Thorne is a genius with the emails.

David Thorne Emails- Funniest Things Ever

Yawning Not Allowed

This vid is mad old, but if Louis is allowed to make the rules and post old clips then I, the true creator of Metacricket, should be able to post vids from the 15th century (I would post that vid in a fucking second considering photography, nevertheless video, didn't exist in the 15th century and if I could find a video clip from that time period it'd probably belong in a museum and we could get mad rich and popular off it, anyways moving on). Biff is attending a Lupe Fiasco concert this weekend so this shit is actually topical as fuck and incredibly related to the time-being. I personally think that shit was badass as fuck. It kinda sucks a dude may have actually been yawning during the performance, and Lupe may take a slight L for that, but he came back with a vengeance and got the whole crowd hype as fuck real quick. This was before Lupe really honed his performing skills. Although the song was Hurt Me Soul which doesn't really lend itself to crazy ass energy, Lupe has now perfected his stage presence and his performances are staked with mad running, jumping, backflips, feet clapping and shit. If you're life allows you to take 9 minutes out of this particular day I suggest you watch this, to get a sneak peek at what a Lupe concert will most likely entail nowadays. My advice to Biff is that he full out fall asleep, and maybe then LF will finally give us all of Shining Down. I would probably give my left pinky toe to be there for the concert, but like I'm in Australia. So don't expect me to be there.

Lupe Live- Greatest Thing Of All Time (The Departed)

Holy Christ

Ready to have some fun? Go to this cached version of ESPN.com, then enter this: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, then press enter a bunch of times. Look what happens:
I really didn't believe this until I tried it. It might take you a few tries, but once you get it, it'll be so worth it. I know everyone loves unicorns as much as I do.

Executive of the Year

Was this necessary?

This is Old but...

...I don't care because I make the rules around here and I like it and I'm sure none of you have heard it anyway.

First, Wale's style is on point. The dude knows how to dress. Secondly, he obliterated this beat so hard that I think they had to retire it.

DOWNLOAD MIKE POSNER'S MIXTAPE RIGHT NOW

This post is long overdue, because I've been jocking Mike Posner for like a month now. If you haven't heard of him that's because he's not famous, but he's about to blow. He's from the D, is a junior at Duke, and makes beats for Big Sean (who's signed to Kanye West's GOOD label). He's been hyped on Kanye's blog multiple times already, and his mixtape "A Matter of Time" is fucking unreal. Literally every cut is top notch. Download it here FOR FREE SEN!!!! and please listen to it because I guarantee you will love the fuck out of it. Here's a little taste:

This is his most popular song, but really we're all torn as to our favorite MP jam, because the dude is a straight genius who just makes catchy beats that slap all the way into another dimension. Plus his voice is like sand paper mixed with silk. Here's his MySpace if you want to give him a little listen before downloading his shit at the link above, but honestly there is literally no reason for you NOT to download this mixtape, because it's free and I personally guarantee that you will be bumping it for at least 3 weeks. It's that good. What is it about Duke? That place is just a breeding ground for hip-hop talent.

Mike Posner's "A Matter of Time" Mixtape - [Greatest Thing of All-Time (The Departed) + Sickest Thing Ever]/2*

*That's a 9.5 on the Metacricket richter scale, for those of you who don't do math.

PS This is my current favorite, and it's an early candidate for Sebring Song of the Year 2009. It's also on the mixtape to which I've already linked you so WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GO DOWNLOAD IT SO YOU CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Well That Was A Good Idea

Waking up at 3am to watch the Celtics game really seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately Michael Gordon, or should I say Ben Jordan, had to spoil my early morning glee with that redonkilous game tying 3 in OT, and rub it in with this crotch grab to boot.

After that play I am a firm believer in fouling in that situation. Up three with less than ten seconds to go the Celts should have fouled immediately and sent a man to the line for two shots. I am confident that the men in green would have been able to put the game away with less than 10 seconds to play, up by one, with the ball. As they say, hindsight is always 20-20, but is this series fuckin bonkers or what? Yea it's kinda shitty that the Celtics are being tested so hard in the first round and against the seven seed, but these games are entertaining as fuck, well at least the one I've watched, but two of the other three sure seemed like they were intense on gamecast. I've adopted the mentality of a mediocre playoff team, I know there's no chance in hell the Celtic's are gonna win the championship so I'm just enjoying the drama of it all and savoring every win for what it is. I am still very confident that we win this series and I even like our chances against the Magic. I'm just hoping for as much basketball as possible before King James inevitably tears us a new asshole.

This Series So Far- Sickest Thing Ever

Jacoby Can Fly

Jacoby Ellsbury just stole home. I just came. Has anyone ever seen that live before? I know you haven't. Let's all revel in this historic, mind-blowing achievement.


Jacoby Ellsbury stealing home - Greatest Thing of All-Time (The Departed)

PS I predict that each of these videos will be taken down within the next 14.5 hours so enjoy them while you can.

Auto-Tune the Newz

Props to our main link man Mohammed Ali Qasim, who spends enough time on NikeTalk to kill a small dolphin. This means that he's pretty much an oil reservoir of amazing links. We should drill in his brain or some shit.

This is really one of the more awesome things I've seen in a while, especially when they auto-tune Katie and Hillary.

"Auto-Tune the News" - Sickest thing ever

Tony Allen Is A G Sen

I'd be scared as fuck if I were Tony Allen. Supposedly there's a price on his head in Chicago and the death threats against him are no joke. Logical procession of bodily harm to Celtic players further indicate that Allen will most likely die. First the knee injuries to KG and Powe, then Ainge's heart attack, the next step has to be a death and as far as I know none of the other Celtic players are wanted dead. Nah but for real this is some scary shit, and I pray that Rajon can intercept the bullet on it's way to TA's head and then dish it to Ray for a trey. Hopefully this shit isn't affecting the team to much. Game 4 in less than 5 hours. Cant wait to wake up at 3am and gamecast the shit out of it.

Tony Allen Death Threats- Really Shitty

Rick Roth

I laughed a bit at the end.

Ain't Done Yet

Many people said that the Celt's were finished after their Game 1 loss to the Bulls. Even after their thrilling Game 2 victory the haters pressed on, then came the loss of Powe, and the nation(excluding New England) was ready to pronounce the Celtics dead. Anyone wanna continue the hate after the absolute dismantling they lent to the Bulls today? The big C, P-Paul, decided to show up today and after his 13 point first quarter the game was pretty much wrapped up and the Bulls went from young and talented to immature and starry-eyed. Rajon continued his domination, lighting up the box score for a 3rd consecutive game, going for 20-11-6-5 today. He's know averaging 22.7 points, 10.7 rebounds, 9.7 assists, and 4 steals a game for the series. Not saying were gonna ride this blowout to banner #18 but its a bad idea for anyone to think were gonna roll over in the first round to Chicago.

Bitch Slapping Does Indeed Constitute a "Playoff Foul"

This whole discussion is stupid as fuck, because we all know NBA refs are the most incompetent and inconsistent referees in the history of all sports, especially come playoff time. There is no way to predict how the stupid jerkholes like Bennett Salvatore and Joey Crawford will call anything, because it all depends on who's involved (LeBron and D-Wade get fouled every time someone tries to guard them) and where the game is being played. Still, I think we can all agree that this demonstration does indeed qualify as a "playoff foul" in anyone's book.

Pretty hilarious. I think that's what Erick Dampier is going to do to Tony Parker on Thursday night.

Beautiful Shit

Shit's taking the cake for best song of '09 so far. Who knew Asher could write a song describing the conflicts and sacrifices that parenting demands. Props to Ash, hes more than weed and booze.

His Dream- Sickest Thing Ever
Asleep In The Bread Isle- Sick

Ludacris And Young Jeezy Are Kbrkbrka's

Defending the vulgarity, violence, and misogyny in rap music is tough to do sometimes. Many critics of the art form have valid arguments when they say that the music is harmful and regressive to it's listeners. I choose to believe that these critics tend to miss the cinematic, sarcastic, and entertainment value of hip hop. Many examples of rap music promoting illegal and negligent behavior are illustrations of necessity and desperation. The entire Reasonable Doubt album is portraying the life of a drug dealer, but due to its descriptive nature and explanations of the dealers harsh environment the record is praised and considered a classic of the genre. These are the things the cynics seem to miss, but does that mean that they have zero basis for their arguments? Absolutely not, it is safe to say that rap music has, in the past, crossed the line and promoted illegal and destructive behavior, but the music was able to maintain it's artistic integrity. Now Ludacris and Young Jeezy have reloaded the nay-sayers arsenal of criticisms with this song.

There are, absolutely, positively, undoubtedly no ways to defend this song. It's absolutely fucking retarded. Nothing pisses me off more than when I hear kids bragging about how good of a drunk driver they are. Yes I know, everyone has done it. Metacricket contributors have probably done it, all of our friends have probably done it, but it's absolutely something we avoid at all costs. I also realize that rappers don't want to be role models, and for the most part aren't, but the fact that they would write this song that hundreds of thousands of their fans will probably be listening to IN THEIR CARS is fucking ridiculously irresponsible. When a rapper says some shit like "picked the mac up, told brothers back up, the mac spit, lead was hittin ni**as, one ran i made him backflip," it's accepted because there is a certain exaggeration and cinematic element in the threat, but for Luda and Jeezy to openly describe the process of their drunken driving is outrageous. Drunk driving is far more realistic than killing. Why do you think there are literally thousands of examples of rappers claiming they have killed someone in a song... because it's sarcastic and for entertainment value. On the other hand there are considerably less examples of rappers promoting drunk driving, because they know this act is much more realistic, and therefore less sarcastic. If they say that in a song, they mean it. Therefore we know that Luda and Jeezy probably make drunk driving a regular habit for themselves. Something thousands of other Americans have done, but they haven't made a song about it. I have lost all respect I previously had for these two, which wasn't exactly much considering they are shitty to mediocre rappers you fucking dickheads.

This Song- Worst Thing Of All Time

More Irish Misfortune

KG giving Leon the kiss of knee death.

The Celtics received some more real bad news today, as they announced that Leon Powe has torn up his knee and will be euthanized, causing him to miss the rest of the post-season. This means that Mikki Moore will become pretty much the only big man off the bench, which doesn't bode well, considering that Mikki "plays defense like he's a groper on a subway car. An opposing player is just standing there and Mikki comes sprinting in, grabs the guy's tits and grinds on him." Also, Mikki shoots like my mom.
As long as Ray Allen keeps scoring 28 points per half, we should be fine. If not, this could be (another) blow to our already miniscule championship hopesticles.

Leon Powe injury - Really Shitty

New Cudi Joints

Kid Cudi dropped some new shits yesterday: a new song called "Daps & Pounds," and a new mixtape called "Dat Kid From Cleveland."
Here's the song:

The beat is good, but at times the piano sample gets chopped up a little abruptly, but I don't really mind. It's a smooth track with an old-school lyric-centric feel. Cudi kills tracks pretty regularly, and this is no exception, although you have to listen pretty carefully to hear everything. My favorite line is "Don't run on beats, motherfucker I frolic." How funny! :-) Download the track here.
I haven't listened to the mixtape yet, but you can download and tell me what you think so I don't have to do all the work for you all the time. Lots of the songs are shits that I've already heard, but regardless I'm excited for the new jams. Download it here bruh.

"Daps & Pounds" - Sick
"Dat Kid From Cleveland" - Pending

Face of the Year

Last night's Celtics game busted extremely hard, but Ray Allen's big 3's were only the second-greatest thing of the night. Nothing could ever top KG's epic post-game lip curl. Here's a close-up:

...and again...

Here are some smaller, less prominent (but still indubitably badass) shots:

...and finally...

We cannot, and must not, underestimate the importance and mystical power of the lip curl. If the Celtics somehow overcome injuries to every key player and nearly-dead front office members to reach the conference finals, then I think we all know that the lip curl is at least 97% responsible.
Try to look at it and not shit your pants.

The KG Lip Curl - Greatest Thing of All-Time (The Departed)

Authentic Australian Shit Of The Week: #3

Attention LD222, if you want to throw some more ragers this summer I suggest this song be somewhere in the middle of your playlist, nestled between the inevitable party anthems I Love College and Crack A Bottle. Bitches will be downing their cups of natty ice to Asher and suddenly this shit starts rattling their brains... shit bruh that party's finna get outta hand somethin serious. Clothes will fly off, the other wooden chair will be broken, your barn will most likely burn to the ground, and it'll be album release party X2. This shit goes more than hard in the Aussie clubs over here. Crazy mofo's wild out on the dance floor while I two step it at the bar downing my Toohey's New. Get Shaky after school bitch.

Get Shaky- Sooo Sick

Good News For KG: He Remembers How To Dribble

The big ticket took the first step towards recovery today when he returned to the practice floor and thankfully retained his skill of dribbling. Steve Bulpett gives us the details in his riveting and revelatory Boston Herald report:

Garnett appeared on the team’s practice floor wearing full workout gear. He proceeded to dribble a basketball as he walked slowly around the perimeter of the court, with strength coach Bryan Doo watching intently. Trainer Ed Lacerte came out of his office and sat at the far end of the floor to watch the event.
After four minutes, Garnett, Doo and Lacerte walked through a door that leads to the weight room at the team’s facility.

Back in the weight room the trainer confirmed that Garnett's right leg, in fact, does still exist. Tomorrow Garnett will work on his bounce passes and left handed lay-ups. At this rate he will see game action in a mere 458 years.

RAY RAY!!!!

YAY YAY!!!

Ray Allen Game Winning 3 Pointers- Greatest Thing of All Time(The Departed)

I Was In The Sky

Whether or not there is a demand for me to recount the stories of my Spring Break week did not factor into my decision on whether or not to write this post. The immensity and intensity of the past week of my life is far to much of a presence to be ignored, so even if only one of our 17-25 daily readers want to hear about this, it is still necessary to be shared.

I began the week driving a 4X4 through the beaches and one way roads of Fraser Island. The worlds largest sand island, whooppeeee. There were nine of us in the truck with hundreds of pounds of our luggage directly above our head. This genius design made the vehicle incredibly susceptible to tipping. At the time I thought tipping might be fun and we nearly did many times throughout the three days spent on Fraser, but once returning home and reading this article I discovered tipping might not have been a very enjoyable experience. The whole process is really just a horrible idea. Sending a group of college students with dozens of goon bags (cheap ass wine), out on this island, who have zero experience driving these types of machines and driving on soft sand and crazy ass rocks, is a recipe for disaster. It rained the entire time I was there and I literally woke up soaking in a poodle that had creeped in to our "waterproof" tents the second night. Every girl on the trip thought it was the worst thing of all time(Fraser Island), but I personally still had a great time and used the whole thing as a learning experience to live off soggy bread and fight dingoes. Driving over these rocks was probably the best part of the trip, enjoy my truckmates face as we trek over some jarring path.

After seeing some more cool ass shit on the sandy vagina that is Fraser Island my group of traveling partners and I took a 12 hour bus ride over night to a nice little town called Airlie beach and boarded a boat to sail around the Whitsunday Islands. The Whitsundays are a group of 74 islands off the coast of Eastern Australia. After a couple days of inevitable Lonely Island quotations, snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef, going to the 7th best beach in the world, sea sickness and hangovers it was time to leave our schooner and sample the Airlie beach nightlife, but one small activity would arise between the boat and our last night on vacay... just a little thing called skydiving. One of my friends had planned on doing it over the Whitsundays the entire trip but I never even considered it. I always planned on doing it here in Wollongong, but after an hour or so of convincing I was 12,000 feet in the air with my feet dangling out of a fucking airplane. It's tough to explain your thoughts at that point. The first time you skydive you must do a tandem dive with a professional attached to you, so you really aren't that nervous considering they do all the important stuff like pulling the chute. The feeling that dominated my mind was mainly just, "let's get this over with". Sitting in the plane I just felt the need to be back on the ground and wanted to fly through the air as fast as possible to get my feet back on the earth where they belong. This feeling doesn't last long considering as soon as you jump and you are rocketing towards the earth at terminal velocity, and the skin on your face sucks to your bones, and your mouth fills up with air and you basically look like a massive doofus, there isn't much else to think than HOOOLLLY FUCKIIING SHIT!!!! The free fall lasted 40 seconds then the parachute deploys and you float peacefully down to earth a changed man. Just check this pic and then imagine seeing this shit from the heavens.

Once regaining my ability to comprehend things on land, we headed back to Airlie and had a less than uneventful night. Talking to a prostitute, musical chairs with beds, and a certain white shirt made the night more than noteworthy. Now it's back to real world and blogging up a storm.

Easter Break- Greatest Thing of All Time(The Departed)

2Pac is Alive and Well...and a Celtics Fan

This photo pretty much speaks for itself. Obviously 2Pac has just come out of hiding, since he's still rocking his mid-90s Antoine jersey, and isn't really up on the times.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best 2 months of 2008 were mid-April to mid-June due to the NBA playoffs. It looks like we can already throw in the towel. It's been reported that Kevin Garnett probably will not particpate in the post season this year. If you want more info on the sitch click here. I can't type through the tears anymore.

Kevin Garnett missing the post season - Worst Thing of All Time (The Jonas Brothers)

David Ortiz Is No Longer "Good"

Big win for the Sox yesterday, with early Cy Young front-runner Tim Wakefield coming up big with a no-hit bid. JD Drew also showed some signs of life, as did pretty much everyone in the lineup (Jason Bay has been absolutely raking so far; his OBP is up around .500). David "Large Father" Ortiz even decided to get a hit, as he laced a rocket down the right field line for a double in the big eighth inning rally.
Unfortunately for Papi, it was his only hit of the day, and his average sits at .176 with an even more feeble .206 slugging percentage. The statistical struggles are just one thing, as our friend Buster Olney points out:

It's early, of course, and there are weeks and months left for Ortiz to find his Big Papi opposite-field power stroke that made him one of the most feared hitters in baseball. But here's the part that has to concern the Red Sox: He looks as bad as his numbers indicate. Opposing talent evaluators are stunned by the regression in his bat speed, by how different a hitter he seems to be as compared to what he was in his prime.

Anyone who has watched the team over the past two seasons has noticed Papi's drastic drop in production/ability, and it's been pretty obvious: he's late on fastballs (he swung through an 87-mph offering yesterday), he's rolling over off-speed pitches into the shift, and he rarely takes anything to the opposite field with any authority. Obviously it's still early, but all indications are that Big Papi should probably change his name to Big Grandpapi sometime soon (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!).
No but really, this sucks.

Welcome Back Doggies

The Portland Sea Dogs season is in session. I grabbed a 2009 season schedule courtesy a la Subway and I perused over important dates.

Personal mandatory attendance promotion dates are as follows:

4/30 - David Ortiz bobblehead night

5/22 - Fireworks (presented by WBLM)

6/17 - Jed Lowrie bobblehead night

6/18 - Fireworks (it's the night before my birthday so they obviously created their schedule around that)

7/3 - Fireworks (not mandatory - only attendance at 2 fireworks is required)

7/7 - Justin Masterson bobblehead night

9/1 - Jon Lester bobblehead night

9/3 - Fireworks (again, not mandatory)

As you can see I only listed bobblehead nights and fireworks display nights. The other promotions are either lame or child orientated (i.e. Neil Diamond Impersonater). Bobblehead nights are mandatory due to the fact that any bobblehead owned by yours truly immeadiately becomes a voodoo doll. This was discovered when Jon "Fatty" Fulford broke my Kirby Puckett bobblehead and Kirby died shortly thereafter. If you're interested in the promotion dates you can find them here.

Red Sox Lose Again

What? Javier Lopez is coming in next inning? NO!!!!!!

The Sox dropped a massive farty poop stink bomb last night, and this was probably one of the most frustrating Red Sox games I've watched in the Theo era.
First, they got off to a great start, rallying for three 2-out runs in the first inning (no thanks to David Ortiz, who I'm afraid might now be what most classify as "ineffective" or "bad"). The rally was encouraging: JD Drew hit a big RBI double (off of a left-handed pitcher!!!!), and Mike Lowell also got off the schnide with a big RBI single. Three runs in the first inning was very promising, especially considering that the Sox had only scored like 9 runs in their first 7 games.*
Unfortunately, the difference between the Red Sox of 2009 (so far) and the Red Sox of past years is that the starting pitchers now are bad, as opposed to good (Tim Wakefield should probably be at the top of the staff right now). Dice-K (more like Dice-BB) was a sloppy soup sandwich in the bottom half of the first frame, giving up FIVE RUNS on five hits and two sloppy walks. To be fair, Jack Cust's RBI single was a weak bloop, but Matt Holliday's double was not, and probably would have gone 950 feet in Coors Field.
Obviously after the first inning ended, the Sox offense went into hibernaysh, because coming back from a deficit is hard, and most of these dudes don't want to try that hard (not really, but that's my hypothesis).
What was encouraging about this game was Justin Masterson, his cool crooked hat, and (pretty much) the rest of the bullpen. J-Mast (right?) pitched 4 scoreless innings, striking out 6 and giving up only 2 hits. The rest of the pen was equally effective: Manny Delcarmen struck out 3 in 1.2 scoreless innings, and new dude Ramon Ramirez (who is quickly emerging as the most effective set-up man we've had since Okajima was good) threw gaseous gases, and Okajima actually was good and pitched 2 hitless innings. Unfortunately, after Papelbon there really wasn't anyone left, which means that J-Lo had to come in and lose the game for the Sox.
Overall, this game was slightly encouraging. The bullpen, which was a major weakness last year, has become a huge strength. Unfortunately the starters are sucking on a fat dick, and things are looking pretty bleak for Lester, as we discussed last week (although a lot of horseshit hits are falling in against him, so eventually things have to even out). Hopefully the offense can be like, not bad, and begin to try, and possibly even score some runs. It's really starting to look like the Sox may have to go out and get a bat by the trading deadline, or possibly sooner, because if they keep this up then they'll be out of it by June. I'm not freaking out yet, but if our starters don't get it into gear soon, and Ortiz doesn't stop rolling over off-speed pitches then we may have some real cause for concern. This game sucked, but it showed some promise.
Plus, Wakefield's going tonight, and he's everyone's early Cy Young favorite.*

Red Sox right now - Shitty

*Not fact-based, but likely

Update

Quick update of upcoming events: Third Eye Blind April 23rd. From there I will be driving to the University of Connecticut for spring weekend which is an event that should be experienced once in your life by every individual. So that would be Friday night. As far as Saturday night goes, I recently found out that there is a Ludacris feat. Asher Roth concert at Tufts University. Luckily, Mac's cousin attends that school and I will be with Mac that entire weekend. To top it off, Ash's album (unleaked) comes out 5 days before that concert!!!! So I'll have a whole 5 days to bump and memorize his tunes so I can go to the concert and be like holy shit there he is that's the kid. Also, Luda would be fun to see in concert I think.

Stay tuned for evaluations of events the weekend of April 23-26.

Find the Typo

Here's the link if you don't believe me, although they might change it soon to something that's like, correct.

Asleep in the Bread Aisle Leaks!!!!

Our most loyal/auto-tuned reader, P, notified me on Sunday night that he had acquired the hotly-anticipated Ash Roth debut, which I've been touting on this site for centuries. Luckily for me, I know how to use Google, and I found a download link for the album, which has since been removed.
After a few listens, I'm ready to give my preliminary review: this album busts. Hard. As fuck.
Oren Yoel handles most of the production, and his beats slap 4 sure. I would say that "Be By Myself" is the best track on the album, and it is pretty much a good encapsulation of the sonic tone of the whole album. Asher spends most of the time rapping about smoking weed, having sex, and being the shit--pretty basic stuff. But he also shows that he's got some cultural consciousness, on the infectious Don Cannon-produced "La Di Da" and he gets introspective and nostalgic on "Fallin," which features my main man John Mayer(!!!!!!!).
Asher also shows that he's got a knack for narrative, on the whimsical "Bad Day," which has a pretty stupid hook, but Asher's rhymes are charismatic and interesting enough to keep you listening.
This album isn't revolutionary. Lyrically it's nothing to write home about (But I probably wouldn't write to my mom or dad about a rap album anyway), and the production is awesome, but not really mind-blowing or ground-breaking. This is pretty much what I expected: this album is popped-out, and definitely intended to crossover, but Asher flexes just enough of his lyrical guns to keep the hip-hop heads interested. It definitely warrants repeated listening, and I am (begrudgingly) going to purchase it next week for 1,299 cents on the biTunes store, because I want to support Asher so that he keeps making music.

Asleep in the Bread Aisle - Sooo sick

Apple Makes a Rare Mistake

Anyone with genitalia knows about the iTunes music store. Most of the time I subvert the use of the store through alternate channels, but sometimes it's necessary to use it to acquire that good shit that you can't get from RedTube or YouPorn. Well, apparently now they offer exclusively "iTunes Plus" material (I still don't know what iTunes Plus means, but I don't think it can be that much better than "iTunes Neutral" or even the always popular "iTunes Negative"). What this means is that every "popular" song costs 129 cents, rather than the traditional 99.
This also means that albums (alba?) cost 1,299 cents, rather than the traditional 999 cents. This is totally fucked, and it makes me mad, because the reason I buy shit on iTunes is that I don't have to pay 13 dollars, like I would at the record store.
Here is a photographic example of the wacksauce new policy, using Paper Trail as exhibit Aaayyyyy:
Needless to say, this makes me mad, because I used to think the iTunes store was like the most perfect entity on earth, but now it's just another cash-hungry corksoaking money-sucker. Now I'm going to have to pay 3 dollars more, and if I do that 10 times, that's an extra 30 dollars, which is like 3 Bennett's subs. Christ jesus, iTunes is taking away our Bennett's!!!!!

iTunes "Plus" - Really shitty

PS, Why is "On Top of the World" the only song that doesn't cost 129 cents? What is so bad about that song? I would argue that it's one of the top 4 on the album, and yet iTunes thinks that it's the worst. Poor B.o.B.

Asher Roth Addresses Eminem and Skittles Comparisons

Apparently Asher's album has leaked, and I found a website to download it from but I couldn't finish because class ended. That's the price you pay for leading a double life as a superhero blogger/slacker student. I will try again to download it like, I don't know, now, and hope it works.
In the meantime here's a new cut off the album that features Harvard's very own Chester French on the hook. It's called "As I Em" and it is about the horseshit/racist comparisons between Asher and Eminem.

I'm glad he addressed it, and he did it in a very non-confrontational way. Like I said before, Asher is just a laid-back dude who wants to have fun and kick it with the homies, or as he says, "All I do is eat, drink, smoke weed, and rap...and play Madden." He is really nothing like Eminem at all, other than the fact that they're both white and yes their inflection is slightly similar, but in no way is Asher biting Eminem's style at all. Yes, Eminem did release commercial friendly music that got mad airplay, but his albums are dark and on many levels very disturbing. Do you think Asher would ever do a song about how he murdered his wife and drove his daughter to the pier with him to dispose of the body? That's some fucked up shit, and all Asher ever really talks about is like eating pancakes and fucking bitches, so in terms of content, I really don't see the connection. They're completely different artists with completely different approaches to what they do. Eminem is arguably one of the top 8 lyricists of all-time, whereas Asher has clearly defined his approach as nothing more than getting wasted, having sex and then rapping about it.
This song is good, and very necessary. He gives Eminem his props for breaking down the barriers that white rappers (such as Asher and myself) face, but he also makes sure that everyone knows that the only real connection between the two is their appearance. Just listen to this, and tell me that it reminds you of Asher at all. It doesn't. It's some fucked up shit.

"As I Em" - Sick

Barry Zito Smells His Own Farts

Barry Zito has followed the lead of every other human being on earth and he's on that Twitter swag. Well that wouldn't normally be news, because Zito sucks and is pretty much the Twitter of MLB pitchers, but what makes it funny and news-worthy is his most recent post:
For those of you who aren't familiar with a Dutch oven, here's my favorite definish from Urban Dictionary:

The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes

I think you can put 2 and 2 2gether.

Knockers

Yyyyyyuuupp. I'm right in the middle of it.

This will warrant as my second "Authentic Australian Shit of the Week" installment. My observations don't exactly back up this report, and we all know the opinion of any Metacricket contributor trumps any scientific data. Nevertheless, I will continue to keep my eyes peeled as I try and solve this great mystery. Something just doesn't add up here. I would have certainly made a note of the marked difference in bust sizes of the women over here, but I can't say that I have. I will however make sure to keep my eyes unclosed for the next few days as Metacricket continues to investigate this developing story. This will be my last post for at least a week as tomorrow I embark on my spring break trip to here and here. I will be back with stories to tell of DD Aussie women, dingos, and Buddhism.



Australian Women Having Huge Boobs- Sickest Thing Ever

My T-Ball Team Could Beat The Yankees

The Yankee's have come out of the gate with a vengeance dropping the first two games of the year. Anyone who predicted these guys would finish ahead of the Sox is obviously a complete fucktard. The Final AL East Standings will look like this:

1. Orioles- 162-0
2. Red Sox- 81-81
3. Rays- 81-81
4. Jays- Who the fuck knows
5. Yanks- 0-162

Lester in Trouble?

Last season Jon Lester went from Red Sox Nation's favorite best-kept secret to premier big game pitcher, when he pitched like 60 consecutive shut-out innings in the post-season.* Well according to our friend at SI, Tom Verducci, Lester's drastically increased workload last season could spell serious trouble, as he tops the list of dudes at risk for HIV, AIDS, and the dreaded "Year After Effect." We are not smiles times. Take a look:
Verducci also claims that he's a soothsayer, and that most of these pitchers will get chlamydia and die:

How much should those guys be worried? Over the previous three years I red-flagged a total of 24 young pitchers at the start of those seasons. Of those 24 at-risk pitchers, 16 were hurt in that same season. Only one of the 24 pitchers managed to stay healthy and lower his ERA: Ubaldo Jimenez of Colorado, a guy I said would be less at risk because of his powerful body type.

Now this is all very troubling, because we've seen what happens to young, talented pitchers who are overworked (Francisco Liriano, Fausto Carmona, James Nutter, and obviously CC Sabathia this season). Obviously this scares me, but if anyone knows how to handle a situation like this, it's Theo and the braintrust over at The Nation Headquarters. Also, Lester survived cancer, so I think his body might be slightly stronger than most.
Besides, the Sox have like 19 legitimate starting options, so worst-case scenario Clay Buchholz steps in and becomes the new Jon Lester.
Here's the link to Verducci's entire article. (The link opens in a new window!! I did it!!!!!!)

*Not fact-based

Jon Lester potentially sucking - Really shitty

Asher + The Soul Machine

My man Ash continues not to disappoint. Here's that new joint featuring the incomparable genius/soul machine, Cee-Lo:

Try to listen to that song and NOT like it. Seriously. You're a liar if you say you didn't enjoy listening to this song, and you're a liar if you say you wish you hadn't heard it. The production so far on all of the songs off of "Asleep in the Bread Aisle" has been top-notch. This is the best one yet.
First of all, Cee-Lo himself can salvage any song. Just listen to this one. But Asher holds his own. I'm not saying he's some sort of lyrical savant: he's certainly got flaws, and sometimes his lines are petty and useless ("KEG STAND! KEG STAND!"). But the man has some serious pop sensibilities, and he just wants to have fun like the rest of us girls out there. Obviously this kind of shit isn't going to appeal to the hard, lyric-centric underground audience, but do you really get the feeling that Asher gives two cocks and two glocks about what anyone else thinks? The dude just does his thing, which, so far, means making music that people can sing along to and just enjoy. He's probably one of the most down-to-earth (popular) artists working in hip-hop today.
This song just makes my vag even wetter in anticipation of April 20, when AITBA (get it?) is going to drop. It's just going to be a fun summer record, and I am pumped as fuck to bump it in the Sebring (Also, is there any better criteria for judging music than "Would I bump this in the Sebring?" It is the ultimate answer. If you want to know whether or not a song is worthy, just ask yourself that question, and the answer will come to you naturally. This song is pretty much the definition of Sebring-worthy. On that note, my next mixtape will be entitled "Sebring Music.").

"Be By Myself (feat. Cee-Lo)" - Sickest Thing Ever

Who is The Dream and how come no one has told me about him?

Seriously. I had never heard of him before yesterday.

I downloaded his latest album "Love Vs. Money" and after one listen through I enjoy it. With any other R&B album the songs sound generally the same, but his voice is astounding. He can croon with the best of 'em. He's a mix between Chris Brown (minus beating up famous hot female artists), T-Pain (minus the voice effects), and Usher (minus I don't know).

Our big brother site, Metacritic, is jockin him too. Great reviews all around. The production is above par and the lyrics are on par with any other R&B artist.

My favorite jam off his album so far is "Walkin on the Moon" featuring Kanye. I'm a sucker for an R&B song with a rap verse. Similar to this little diddy by John Legend.

Here's a link to download his album if you're interested.

The Dream - Sick

New Em: We Made You

One of the great questions in hip hop communities and message boards over the past 5 years has been which version of Eminem would return to the genre with his 2009 release Relapse? Would it be the deranged ecstasy popping psychopath of the late 90's that produced classic and original music such as The Way I Am and Stan? Or would the sympathetic, father figure, Eminem circa 2004 and Encore who released songs like Mockingbird be back? Crack A Bottle showed Em conforming to the industry standards and crafting a conventional club banger, albeit a banger with some ridiculously smooth Dre piano riffs, and is actually a pretty good song. Could Eminem have reinvented himself yet again? Not quite. It seems as if hes reaching way back to the Slim Shady days and pulling out some My Name Is throwaways. On the new single We Made You, Marshall is back to ripping on celebrities, spitting in that ear splitting voice, and riddling off multis in doubletime flow. This time around his shitlist includes Sarah Palin, Jessica Alba, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and so on... Game catches a lot of heat for the namedropping in his raps, but Em really is no worse. The routine of using pop culture figurines as his verbal punching bags has become tired and old. Luckily for him, he is blessed with some of the best rapping abilities the world has ever heard, and is able to keep your attention on any track no matter the subject matter. Check it.

Back by popular demand,
Now pop a little zantax for antacid if you can,
You ready to tackle any task that is at hand?
How does it feel is it fantastic is it grand?
Well look at all the massive masses in the stands,
Shady Man no don’t massacre the bands

Yea, he's quite impressive, and those bars are outrageously good despite the fact that they are essentially nonsense. I just wish this wasn't such a blatant attempt at recreating his persona and singles of the 90's. Artists need growth, and there's nothing worse than a stagnant rapper stuck in his ways who refuses to change one bit (see: 50 Cent). Hell, I'd rather an artist evolve so much that they venture into new genres, even if it comes at the cost of the quality of their music (see: Kanye West).

Moving onn, the production on this record is really nothing to write home about. Biff would probably be better suited to describe the beat as he is a budding underground hip hop producer, but I'll give it my best shot. The beat features some boasting horns topped by scattered piano loops. It certainly doesn't sound like a Dre beat, but who the fuck knows. This song just warrants a resounding whatever.

We Made You- Whatever

Rajon Rondo is...as Good as a Random White Guy?

Here's an interesting article from the basketball blog TrueHoop, which compares the 09 hall class to current players. They say that the player today most similar to John Stockton--arguably one of the greatest point guards of all-time--is our main man Rajon Rondo. WOOOO!!!!! Good for Rajon. He's really blossoming into a bona-fide star, and it's only a matter of time before he's mentioned in the same breath as Chris Paul and Deron Williams. That sentence is a good start.
Also, guess who compares most closely to Michael "MJ" Jordan? My main man Dwyane Wade!!!! I have been jocking Dwyane all season, and I understand that LeBron is insane and really(x8) good and all that shit, but Wade has been carrying an entire organization with literally no help. Name any player on the Heat roster other than Michael Beasley. Nope, Shawn Marion got traded. Now name a good player on the Heat. There is no one. Dwyane has been playing out of his mind, and deserves the MVP, but thaBron is going to win it so we can all relax.
Also it's funny that Kevin Durant is the next Chris Mullin.

Blog Her Face

Here's the new Kid CuDi jam featuring Lady Gaga (OMG HER AGAIN!!!), Kanye, and Common.

This song is underwhelming. I like the drums, but this beat is just classic new Kanye: loop a boring vocal sample ad nauseam and put some cool drums over it.
Of all the verses I thought Kanye's was the best, especially the lines about getting brain in the library because he likes knowledge (Funny!!!!).
I love CuDi to death, but sometimes it really sounds like he doesn't know whether he wants to rap or sing. He's capable of very profound and insightful lyrics when he tries, but he doesn't quite have a gift for melody. He's not good enough at singing to be a crooner (or even get on Drake's level; One Take Drake is emerging as my favorite 09er, and Wale is 1A and B.o.B is 1C), and I just wish he would decide what he wants to do. It's frustrating and awkward to listen to, especially because we all know he's capable of greatness.
Don't even get me started on Common, he's been confusing me ever since he dropped the god-awful Universal Mind Control train wreck.
Given all the talent involved in this track, it should be 600 times better, but that's what we were saying about "Swagga Like Us," and that song grew on me to the point that I listen to it daily, so we'll see how this relationship develops. For now, I'm not impressed.

"Poke Her Face" - Pretty Shitty

You Change Your Mind Like a Gull Changes Clothes

Chester hit me with this gem of a sausage link today:

There are so many awesome things going on in this video, I don't even know where to start. I have to go change my pants.

Los Colorados "Hot n Cold" - Sickest Thing Ever

My Good Friend Pharell Wants Some McDonalds

I hung out with Pharrell in Sydney for hours on end, and he seemed like a real down to earth guy. This video only confirms that belief. My problem is with the ladies working behind the counter. Did they have some sand in the vagers or what? What the hell was the problem with P? All he was doing was a little singin and dancin. It's not like that is part of his career or anything. Dude just wanted a midnight snack. These two servers are right up there with all those cock blocking cops on my worst people in the world list. Pharell was, however, rocking the Ipod headphones still in look, just to remind us that he is in fact famous and not entirely interested in what you have to say.

Props to Mohammad Ali Qasim's, Louis Frank wall post for the vid. Metacricket really is garnering a nice little family of followers.

Pharrell- Sooo Sick

Care To Check Out Lebron's MVP Credentials? All You Have To Do Is Write An Essay In Your URL Box

The Cavalier's decided to make a website boosting the case for Lebron as MVP. Reasonable enough. Wanna go to it? Well that's the catch. The site is named lebronisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood.com. I have kindly linked the site to prevent our readers from getting carpel tunnel syndrome. This is the second time this year the Cav's organization has come to the defense of one of their players. The first instance being when Mo Williams was snubbed from the All Star team and the front office made up words to show their disapproval of this abhorrent omission.

"Ben Wallace was right when he called Mo originally being passed over for the All-Star game a shamockery," Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert said in a tongue-in-cheek e-mail to The Associated Press. "But not naming him as the natural and obvious replacement for the unfortunately injured Jameer Nelson is stupidiculous, idillogical and preposterageous."

Uhh yea, you really made a statement there. Luckily for the city of Cleveland Mo Williams did end up making the all star game, and Deadspin left us with this classic of sports blogging humor.

Lebron MVP Website- Longest Website Name of All Time(The Departed)

This Is How We Do

Just when you counted me out, I'm back. Scotty still counts Mike.

Anywho, in my 09 concert tour, my most recent stop was the 50 Cent feat. Naughty by Nature concert at Uconn. First of all, my bro bro Randle Mcgigglesticks wasn't even there because he was at the gd final fuh in Detroit. What a waste of a trip huh Randy? So Sean, Brendan, and I all stayed in Randle's pleasure palace for the night and jizzed all over his walls. Then we hit the concert. Not a terribly long wait for the opening act to emerge as I've seen in other concerts. Seeing as NBN is before our time, no one really knew many of their songs. Hip Hop Hooray and all the cover songs they did such as "Jump Around" were their best. I could tell their backs hurt since they're knotty by nature. OH MAN somebody stop me. Also, their entourage on stage was massive.
Evenways, 50 came out with Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo. They started off with a few new songs which only retards knew, but then they hit their stride. But that's when I realized that every song they've put out is either directly about sex and money or piddles around that aspect. Every song is a club banger with no depth. Needless to say, with songs like that, the concert was poopin off. Their personalities are nothing to write home about, but their performing skills are tight. They threw a cornocopia of clothing out into the crowd, including a Hartford Whalers throwback jacket which my friend Matt Getz snagged. Besides that, not a ton of crowd interaction which seems to be key for a spectac performance. On a ligther note, 50's teeth are very white.

Future concerts on my resume: Third Eye Blind - April 24th at Saint Anselm College. Possible mind blower - Lupe Fiasco feat. Asher Roth - April 17th at Saint Michael's college. I currently don't have tickets/have no one to go with/don't think I know anyone well enough at that college to stay over for a night. However, I really really really really really wanna go.

50 Cent feat. Naughty by Nature - Sick

Bruins Bitch!!!

Look, everyone here at the crick are all huge Bruins fans. Biff and I (Scotty doesn't really count anymore) have followed this team with intense scrutiny for years. And it's been real tough for us to have to endure through the past couple seasons of futility. We certainly aren't a couple of band-wagoners who only this year hopped on the Bruin tip, once the team started to perform well. Nope, we have been here from the start. That's why tonight's win over the Rangers is just SOOOO gratifying. To see these guys come from the 29-37 team of 05-06 back to their rightful spot as kings of the Eastern Conference nearly brings a tear to my eye. The Big Bad Bruins beat the Rangers tonight 1-0. My man Timmay Thomas wasn't letting shit between those pipes, and he wasn't taking any shit either. Peep the way he owns Sean Punk Ass Avery in this highlight.

The Bruins don't take shit from anybody and anybody who tries to give it to them is gonna have to do in their house considering they just clinched home-frozen water advantage BAAAABYY!!! The TD Banknorth Boston Parquet Floored Basketball Court Fleet Center Ice Rink Garden is finna host two championship teams this spring/summer. Ice rink by day, B-ball court by night. Milan Lucic on one side, Kevin Garnett on the other. Claude Julien (business) in the front, Doc Rivers (party) in the back. Paul Pierce... well you get the point. If I was home this spring I would for certain break into Scotty's house with Brendan to watch the Bruins playoff games, drink a fair amount of Miller Lite, pack a bomb, and then subsequently throw up and laugh my ass off at the same time. Sorry that was a bit of a tangent but that actually happened last year. Bruins 6th Stanley Cup here we come MOTHERFUCKERSS!!! And for all you band-wagoners out there, I'll let you keep rooting for my team, but you're still a krbrkrbkbrka.

Bruins- Sickest Thing Ever