Coldplay Biting American Indie Bands?

No band infuriates me as much as Coldplay does. They've made a career out of being a mediocre pop version of Radiohead. They write sappy bullshit love tunes with simple chord progressions that make girls cry because they're all in minor keys and their lyrics seem sentimental but they're really cliche derivative horseshit with extremely general statements about things like "love." I always thought I liked the song "The Scientist" until I learned to play it on the piano. I realized I liked it because I had heard those chords 600 times in Beatles and Rolling Stones songs.
Well you may all recall that Coldplay wanted to get "experimental"--or as experimental as a horseshit Brit-pop band can get--on their 2008 album "Viva La Vida." The title track got mad airplay and was featured in an iTunes ad that aired about 18 times per quarter during the NBA playoffs. I recall thinking, "Hey, I kind of hate Coldplay and I want to punch them in the jeans, but this melody is kind of catchy, although the lyrics are classic Coldplay bullshit." Well, it turns out they bit that melody. Check it:

So now we know that by "experimental" they meant "plagiaristic." If they submitted this as an assignment at school they would get kicked out for academic dishonesty. But in the real world it's cool and they end up winning a Grammy and making millions for it.
I know I gave Chris Martin props a few weeks ago, because he makes hot hip-hop and collabs with Jay-Z and Kanye West. That's what's so maddening about this whole thing: I like Chris Martin when he's laying down hot riffs over drum breaks for rappers, but then he goes and writes all this bullshit and bites American indie bands. What makes this even more interesting is that he's married to Gwyneth Paltrow, the classic "She looks so fucking good there but in other scenes she looks like shit." Gwyneth's boneibility and hotness are just like her husband's music: sometimes you fall in love with her and want to marry her and have sex with her for the next 25 years, but then other times you're like "eeeewwww" and you don't know how she even broke into the business of acting because her face is weird and her nose is out of proportion. I guess it was destiny that she and Chris found each other.
Either way, I still want to punch Coldplay in the face and I would still probably do Gwyneth just to spite Chris Martin, unless he wanted to get on the boards with me and make me famous by doing a collab.
Creaky Boards deserves the Grammy for writing this song for Coldplay, and they should be famous instead. Also, isn't Creaky Boards a sick name for a band? CB is my new favorite band, and are deserving of an honorary Departed rating. I'm going to buy all of their albums on the iTunes music store so they can make a well-deserved 2 dollars.

Coldplay - Shitty
Gwyneth Paltrow - Who the fuck can tell anymore
Creaky Boards - Greatest Band of All-Time (The Departed)