With all the grammy news and excitement still looming, Subway decided to drop a bomb shell. FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLONGS ARE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just the $5 every day value menu (which still makes me j in my p's), BUT EVERY SUB IS ONLY FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS AGAIN (excluding double stacked and premium subs of course)!!!
To promote their greatness, Subway held the grammy afterparty. The party started off with a bang with MIA giving birth to a footlong sweet onion chicken teryaki that the Subway gynecologists ingeniously planted nine months ago in preparation for this event. Lil wayne bought the sub for $5 ($5.35 with tax of course) and described it by saying "yeah" in many different indescribable tones. Jay-z released his new single from the Blueprint 3 titled "Spicy Italian and a Diet Coke." He sampled the theme from the five dollar footlong commercials and laid it over "Heart of the City." He then announced that he would be purchasing a Subway franchise. Meanwhile, the Jonas Brothers had butt sex in the corner.
$5 Footlongs - Sooo Sick
Monday, February 9, 2009
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The only problem with this story is that the Jonas Brothers are "virgins," which means that they couldn't have sex with each other. Also, they don't have dicks.
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