Hey Lloyd There's Some More People That Want a Ride

PICK 'EM UP!!
After months of whining by both sides and speculation by tool-face media members, the dream has finally been realized: Stephon Marbury and his 15 dollar shoes are coming to the Celtics. WOOOOOOOO!!!!! I am pumped as fuck. As soon as I heard the news I did a fist-pump and IMed Mike. That's how fucking pumped I was.
But what does this all mean? I'll tell you what it means. We are getting an All-Star caliber ball-handler and scorer who will provide much-needed depth and BENCH SCORING, which we've only gotten like twice all season, both times from Eddie House, who is quite possibly the most inconsistent basketball player alive and cannot be relied on for long important stretches. This isn't picking up the anorexic Mikki Moore to fill space on the floor for two minutes at a time. In Marbury we're getting a veteran who has proven that he can fill it up and be a legitimate second option on a contending team (or at least he could in 1999). Plus we're getting him at that point in his career where he's like, "Fuck it. I don't care about money. I don't care about stats. I just want to win a title so I can fly my private jet around and die happy." This is the best type of pick-up, especially when you have KG and Paul Pierce on your team, two dudes who will absolutely murder Steph if he even thinks about acting out of line once.
As a bonus, Marbury hasn't played an actual game of basketball for like 3 seasons, so his legs have got to be fresher than a ripe Rhode Island tomato. Worst case scenario, he turns out like Sam Cassell: a me-first dickwad who takes awful shots and disrupts the flow of the offense. Let's not forget we won a title last year with the actual Sam Cassell, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Best case scenario, it's a Randy Moss-to-the-Patriots situation: he's revitalized by the opportunity to actually win a ring, he tries hard, doesn't run his mouth, buys into the Ubuntu system, and averages like 15 a game off the bench on the way to a career-salvaging NBA title. That's obviously what's going to happen.
Either way, the team could probably get a great deal on shoes.

Stephon Marbury to the Celtics - Sickest Thing Ever (with the potential to be elevated to a Departed situation)